{"id":4758,"date":"2026-01-19T17:04:39","date_gmt":"2026-01-19T17:04:39","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.bilgitarif.com\/iyi\/?p=4758"},"modified":"2026-01-19T17:04:53","modified_gmt":"2026-01-19T17:04:53","slug":"kocamin-mezarina-her-gun-giderdim-ta-ki-o-gun-karsima-cikana-kadar","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.bilgitarif.com\/iyi\/kocamin-mezarina-her-gun-giderdim-ta-ki-o-gun-karsima-cikana-kadar\/","title":{"rendered":"Kocam\u0131n Mezar\u0131na Her G\u00fcn Giderdim\u2026 Ta ki O G\u00fcn Kar\u015f\u0131ma \u00c7\u0131kana Kadar"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Kocam Murat\u2019\u0131 kaybedeli \u00fc\u00e7 y\u0131l olmu\u015ftu. Neredeyse on y\u0131l evli kald\u0131k ama \u00e7ocu\u011fumuz hi\u00e7 olmad\u0131. O gittikten sonra evin i\u00e7i de, hayat\u0131m da sessizli\u011fe g\u00f6m\u00fcld\u00fc<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

Bu y\u00fczden her g\u00fcn mezarl\u0131\u011fa giderdim. Mezar ta\u015f\u0131n\u0131 siler, \u00e7i\u00e7ekleri d\u00fczeltir, oturup Murat\u2019la ge\u00e7irdi\u011fimiz g\u00fcnleri d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcrd\u00fcm.<\/p>\n

O g\u00fcn de k\u0131\u015f\u0131n en keskin g\u00fcnlerinden biriydi. G\u00fcne\u015f vard\u0131 ama r\u00fczg\u00e2r iliklerime i\u015fliyordu. Her zamanki gibi mezarl\u0131\u011fa vard\u0131m\u2026 ve bir a\u011fac\u0131n dibinde onu g\u00f6rd\u00fcm:<\/p>\n

Montuna s\u0131ms\u0131k\u0131 sar\u0131lm\u0131\u015f, titreyen k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck bir k\u0131z \u00e7ocu\u011fu\u2026 Sanki uyuyordu ama y\u00fcz\u00fc bembeyazd\u0131.<\/p>\n

Yan\u0131na \u00e7\u00f6meldim.
\u201c\u0130yi misin can\u0131m? Ailen nerede?\u201d dedim.<\/p>\n

Zor duyulan bir sesle cevap verdi:
\u201cBirini ar\u0131yorum\u2026 Annem ba\u015fka \u015fehirde. D\u00fcn evden ka\u00e7t\u0131m.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u0130\u00e7im par\u00e7aland\u0131. Hava karar\u0131yordu, so\u011fuk daha da sertle\u015fiyordu. Onu orada b\u0131rakamazd\u0131m. \u00dcstelik g\u00f6zlerinde\u2026 tarifsiz bir tan\u0131d\u0131kl\u0131k<\/strong> vard\u0131.<\/p>\n

Eve gelince s\u0131cak \u00e7orba yapt\u0131m, battaniyeye sard\u0131m. Biraz kendine geldi\u011finde, g\u00f6zlerini ka\u00e7\u0131rarak f\u0131s\u0131ldad\u0131:<\/p>\n

\u201cBirini bulmam gerekiyor. Ona \u00e7ok \u00f6nemli bir \u015fey s\u00f6ylemeliyim. Ama annem\u2026 ger\u00e7e\u011fi s\u00f6ylememi istemedi.\u201d<\/p>\n

Sonra cebinden buru\u015fuk bir foto\u011fraf \u00e7\u0131kard\u0131 ve uzatt\u0131.<\/p>\n

Foto\u011frafa bakt\u0131\u011f\u0131m an nefesim kesildi.<\/p>\n

\u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc foto\u011fraftaki adam\u2026 Murat\u2019t\u0131.<\/strong><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Foto\u011fraf\u0131 elimde tutarken parmaklar\u0131m uyu\u015ftu. Sanki k\u00e2\u011f\u0131t de\u011fil de, hayat\u0131m\u0131n ortas\u0131na b\u0131rak\u0131lm\u0131\u015f bir bomba tutuyordum. K\u0131z kar\u015f\u0131mdaki sandalyeye oturmu\u015f, \u00e7orba kasesini iki eliyle kavrayarak \u0131s\u0131nmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yordu. Y\u00fcz\u00fc so\u011fuktan k\u0131zarm\u0131\u015ft\u0131 ama o g\u00f6zler\u2026 o g\u00f6zler Murat\u2019\u0131n g\u00f6zleri gibiydi.<\/p>\n

\u201cBu foto\u011fraf neden sende?\u201d dedim. Sesim istemeden sert \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131. K\u0131z \u00fcrkt\u00fc.<\/p>\n

\u201cAd\u0131m\u0131 s\u00f6yleyeyim mi?\u201d diye f\u0131s\u0131ldad\u0131.<\/p>\n

Ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131 sallad\u0131m. \u201cBen Elif. Sen?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cZeynep,\u201d dedi. \u201cAnnem bu foto\u011fraf\u0131 verdi\u2026 ama saklamam\u0131 s\u00f6yledi. Beni bulmak istemezsen diye\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

Kalbim g\u00f6\u011fs\u00fcmde \u00e7\u0131rp\u0131nmaya ba\u015flad\u0131. \u201cKimi bulmak istemezsem?\u201d<\/p>\n

Zeynep yutkundu. \u201cOnu\u2026 foto\u011fraftaki adam\u0131.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ba\u015f\u0131m d\u00f6nd\u00fc. Murat\u2019\u0131n cenazesini ben g\u00f6rm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcm. Mezar\u0131n\u0131 ben kazd\u0131rm\u0131\u015ft\u0131m. \u00d6l\u00fcm raporu, hastane, taziyeler\u2026 hepsi ger\u00e7ekti. Peki bu \u00e7ocuk nas\u0131l olur da onu \u201caramaya\u201d gelirdi?<\/p>\n

\u201cZeynep,\u201d dedim, bo\u011faz\u0131m d\u00fc\u011f\u00fcmlenerek, \u201cMurat\u2026 benim kocamd\u0131. Ve \u00fc\u00e7 y\u0131l \u00f6nce \u00f6ld\u00fc.\u201d<\/p>\n

K\u0131z kararl\u0131 bir \u015fekilde ba\u015f\u0131n\u0131 sallad\u0131.
\u201cHay\u0131r\u2026 annem \u2018\u00f6lmedi\u2019 dedi. \u2018Sadece yokmu\u015f gibi yap\u0131yorlar\u2019 dedi.\u201d<\/p>\n

O an evin i\u00e7i bile daha so\u011fuk geldi. \u201cAnnen kim?\u201d diye sordum.<\/p>\n

\u201cSevil,\u201d dedi. \u201cOnun telefonunda bir adres g\u00f6rd\u00fcm\u2026 mezarl\u0131k yaz\u0131yordu. Annem hep \u2018oraya gitme\u2019 derdi. Sorunca a\u011flard\u0131.\u201d<\/p>\n

Sevil ismi zihnimde yank\u0131land\u0131. Tan\u0131d\u0131k m\u0131yd\u0131? Murat\u2019\u0131n ge\u00e7mi\u015finden biri mi? Yoksa hi\u00e7 bilmedi\u011fim bir sayfa m\u0131?<\/p>\n

Zeynep, \u00e7antas\u0131ndan buru\u015fmu\u015f bir k\u00e2\u011f\u0131t \u00e7\u0131kard\u0131. \u201cBunu da verdi,\u201d dedi. \u201cYaz\u0131s\u0131 kar\u0131\u015f\u0131k\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

K\u00e2\u011f\u0131d\u0131 a\u00e7t\u0131m. \u0130\u00e7inde tek c\u00fcmle vard\u0131:<\/p>\n

\u201cE\u011fer bir g\u00fcn seni bulursa, ona mektubu ver. Murat\u2019a de\u011fil, Elif\u2019e.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

Alt\u0131nda da \u015fehir d\u0131\u015f\u0131ndaki k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck bir kasabada bir adres\u2026<\/p>\n

Zeynep, sanki y\u0131llard\u0131r i\u00e7inde tuttu\u011fu y\u00fck\u00fc bo\u015falt\u0131r gibi anlatmaya ba\u015flad\u0131:
\u201cK\u00fc\u00e7\u00fckken bir adam vard\u0131\u2026 sa\u00e7\u0131m\u0131 tarard\u0131. Bana \u2018kuzum\u2019 derdi. Sonra bir g\u00fcn gitti. Annem gecelerce a\u011flad\u0131.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u0130\u00e7imde bir \u015fey k\u0131r\u0131ld\u0131. Murat bana da \u201ckuzum\u201d derdi. O kelimeyi ba\u015fka birine yak\u0131\u015ft\u0131ramazd\u0131m.<\/p>\n

Tam o s\u0131rada boynundaki kolye dikkatimi \u00e7ekti: ince bir zincir ve ucunda k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck bir nazar boncu\u011fu. Murat\u2019\u0131n annesinin bana hediye etti\u011fi boncu\u011fun ayn\u0131s\u0131\u2026 ayn\u0131 \u00e7izik, ayn\u0131 \u00e7atlak.<\/p>\n

\u201cBu kolyeyi kim verdi?\u201d dedim.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnnem. \u2018Bu seni korur\u2019 dedi.\u201d<\/p>\n

Mutfa\u011f\u0131n \u00e7ekmecesinden y\u0131llard\u0131r saklad\u0131\u011f\u0131m kutuyu \u00e7\u0131kard\u0131m. \u0130\u00e7inde benim nazar boncu\u011fum vard\u0131\u2026 ama zinciri kopuktu. Boncu\u011fun kendisi, Zeynep\u2019inkinin t\u0131pat\u0131p ayn\u0131s\u0131yd\u0131<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

O an Zeynep\u2019in bak\u0131\u015flar\u0131 de\u011fi\u015fti.
\u201cDemek siz\u2026 siz o\u2019sunuz,\u201d dedi.<\/p>\n

\u201cBen kimim?\u201d dedim.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnnemin korktu\u011fu ki\u015fi\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

Mideme bir yumruk yemi\u015f gibi oldum. \u201cNeden benden korksun?\u201d<\/p>\n

Zeynep g\u00f6zlerimin i\u00e7ine bakt\u0131.
\u201c\u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc annem\u2026 ayn\u0131 adam\u0131 sevdi\u011fini d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcyor.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u0130hanet kelimesi bo\u011faz\u0131mda b\u00fcy\u00fcd\u00fc. Murat beni aldatm\u0131\u015f olabilir miydi? \u00dcstelik bir \u00e7ocuk\u2026 Hay\u0131r. Murat b\u00f6yle biri de\u011fildi. Ben onu tan\u0131rd\u0131m\u2026 ya da tan\u0131d\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 san\u0131rd\u0131m.<\/p>\n

O gece karar verdim. Zeynep\u2019i yaln\u0131z b\u0131rakamazd\u0131m.
\u201cBu gece burada kalacaks\u0131n,\u201d dedim. \u201cYar\u0131n o adrese gidece\u011fiz.\u201d<\/p>\n

Sabah yola \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131k. Sisli bir kasabada, pasl\u0131 kap\u0131l\u0131 eski bir evin \u00f6n\u00fcnde durduk. Kap\u0131y\u0131 \u00e7ald\u0131m. Uzun s\u00fcre a\u00e7an olmad\u0131. Tam geri d\u00f6necekken kap\u0131 araland\u0131.<\/p>\n

Kar\u015f\u0131mda yorgun y\u00fczl\u00fc bir kad\u0131n belirdi. Zeynep\u2019i g\u00f6r\u00fcnce \u00e7\u0131\u011fl\u0131k att\u0131:
\u201cZeynep!\u201d<\/p>\n

Sonra bana bakt\u0131\u2026 y\u00fcz\u00fc bembeyaz oldu.<\/p>\n

\u201cSen\u2026\u201d dedi, sesi titreyerek. \u201cElif\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

Ad\u0131m\u0131 bilmesi, i\u00e7imdeki son \u015f\u00fcpheyi de par\u00e7alad\u0131.<\/p>\n

Evin i\u00e7ine girdi\u011fimizde duvarlarda foto\u011fraflar vard\u0131. Ve en \u00f6nde\u2026 Murat\u2019\u0131n gen\u00e7 bir hali. Yan\u0131nda Sevil. Kuca\u011f\u0131nda bir bebek.<\/p>\n

Zeynep f\u0131s\u0131ldad\u0131: \u201cBu\u2026 benim.\u201d<\/p>\n

Sevil, titreyen ellerle bir zarf uzatt\u0131. \u201cBunu sana y\u0131llard\u0131r vermem gerekiyordu,\u201d dedi. \u201cAma ger\u00e7e\u011fi \u00f6\u011frenirsen y\u0131k\u0131laca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 biliyordum.\u201d<\/p>\n

Zarf\u0131 a\u00e7t\u0131m. \u0130\u00e7inde Murat\u2019\u0131n el yaz\u0131s\u0131yla yaz\u0131lm\u0131\u015f bir mektup vard\u0131:<\/p>\n

\u201cElif\u2026 Ben \u00f6lmedim. Ama ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131m da s\u00f6ylenemez\u2026\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

Murat, ge\u00e7mi\u015fte kar\u0131\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131 bir i\u015ften ka\u00e7t\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131, beni korumak i\u00e7in \u201c\u00f6l\u00fcm\u201d gibi g\u00f6r\u00fcnmeyi se\u00e7ti\u011fini yaz\u0131yordu. Zeynep\u2019in onun k\u0131z\u0131 oldu\u011funu da.<\/p>\n

Mektup elimden kayd\u0131.
Sevil a\u011flad\u0131: \u201cO \u00f6l\u00fcm sahteydi\u2026 ama sonra adamlar onu buldu. Bu kez ger\u00e7ekten\u2026 gitti.\u201d<\/p>\n

O an i\u00e7imde Murat\u2019a dair her \u015fey ikiye b\u00f6l\u00fcnd\u00fc:
Sevdi\u011fim adam\u2026 ve bizi parampar\u00e7a eden adam.<\/p>\n

Zeynep yan\u0131mda sessizce a\u011fl\u0131yordu. O k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck omuzlar titriyordu. Mezarl\u0131kta donmak \u00fczere buldu\u011fum \u00e7ocu\u011fun\u2026 asl\u0131nda Murat\u2019\u0131n benden saklad\u0131\u011f\u0131 hayat\u0131n bir par\u00e7as\u0131 oldu\u011funu anlad\u0131m.<\/p>\n

Derin bir nefes ald\u0131m.
\u201cBen Murat\u2019\u0131 kaybettim,\u201d dedim. \u201cAma Zeynep\u2019i kaybetmeyece\u011fim.\u201d<\/p>\n

Zeynep g\u00f6zlerime bakt\u0131. \u201cBeni\u2026 yan\u0131na al\u0131r m\u0131s\u0131n?\u201d dedi.<\/p>\n

Cevap i\u00e7imden geldi:<\/p>\n

\u201cEvet.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

O g\u00fcn mezarl\u0131\u011fa d\u00f6nd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcmde Murat\u2019\u0131n mezar\u0131na sadece \u00e7i\u00e7ek b\u0131rakmad\u0131m.
Yan\u0131mda Zeynep vard\u0131.<\/p>\n

Mezar ta\u015f\u0131na bak\u0131p f\u0131s\u0131ldad\u0131:<\/p>\n

\u201cBaba\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

Ve ben ilk kez anlad\u0131m\u2026
Bazen hayat, en ac\u0131 ger\u00e7e\u011fi bile bir \u00e7ocu\u011fun nefesiyle<\/strong> yeniden anlaml\u0131 hale getirir.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Kocam Murat\u2019\u0131 kaybedeli \u00fc\u00e7 y\u0131l olmu\u015ftu. Neredeyse on y\u0131l evli kald\u0131k ama \u00e7ocu\u011fumuz hi\u00e7 olmad\u0131. O gittikten sonra evin i\u00e7i de, hayat\u0131m da sessizli\u011fe g\u00f6m\u00fcld\u00fc. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":4760,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4758","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bilgitarif.com\/iyi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4758","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bilgitarif.com\/iyi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bilgitarif.com\/iyi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bilgitarif.com\/iyi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bilgitarif.com\/iyi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4758"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.bilgitarif.com\/iyi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4758\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4762,"href":"https:\/\/www.bilgitarif.com\/iyi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4758\/revisions\/4762"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bilgitarif.com\/iyi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/4760"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bilgitarif.com\/iyi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4758"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bilgitarif.com\/iyi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4758"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bilgitarif.com\/iyi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4758"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}