{"id":520,"date":"2025-09-03T21:19:43","date_gmt":"2025-09-03T21:19:43","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.bilgitarif.com\/iyi\/?p=520"},"modified":"2025-09-03T21:19:50","modified_gmt":"2025-09-03T21:19:50","slug":"kocam-esyalarindan-kurtulmam-icin-israr-etti","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.bilgitarif.com\/iyi\/kocam-esyalarindan-kurtulmam-icin-israr-etti\/","title":{"rendered":"Kocam e\u015fyalar\u0131ndan kurtulmam i\u00e7in \u0131srar etti"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a> Onun cenazesiyle birlikte d\u00fcnya aniden durdu. Mezar ba\u015f\u0131nda g\u00fc\u00e7 bela ayakta duruyordum; etraf\u0131mdakilerin s\u00f6zc\u00fckleri kulaklar\u0131mda u\u011fulduyor gibiydi, ama ben yaln\u0131zca beyaz tabutu g\u00f6r\u00fcyordum. Daha sonra
\nG\u00fcnler sonra evdeyken, kocam s\u00fcrekli bu c\u00fcmleyi tekrarlad\u0131 \u201cE\u015fyalar\u0131n\u0131n hepsini atmal\u0131y\u0131z; bunlar, ac\u0131y\u0131 her an tekrar ya\u015fatacak hat\u0131ralar.\u201d Bu s\u00f6zler ne kadar yabanc\u0131 ve derin bir ac\u0131 ta\u015f\u0131yordu\u2026 Onun k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck e\u015fyalar\u0131 benim i\u00e7in kokuydu, dokunu\u015ftu, onun g\u00fclen y\u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fcn gri g\u00f6lgesiydi. Direnmeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131m; fakat bir ay\u0131n ard\u0131ndan dayanamay\u0131p, k\u0131z\u0131m\u0131n odas\u0131na temizli\u011fi ba\u015flatmaya karar verdim daha sonra.
\n
\nKap\u0131y\u0131 a\u00e7mak ba\u015fta garip bir nefes gibiydi\u2014her \u015fey ayn\u0131d\u0131r, her \u015fey de\u011fi\u015fmi\u015ftir. H\u00e2l\u00e2 odaya onun minik parf\u00fcm kokusu sinmi\u015fti. Masan\u0131n \u00fczerinde a\u00e7\u0131k duran bir defter g\u00f6rd\u00fcm; kalbim tuhaf sesler \u00e7\u0131kar\u0131r gibiydi. \u0130\u00e7imdeki g\u00fcr\u00fclt\u00fcyle, o e\u015fyalar\u0131 tek tek tutup sar\u0131ld\u0131m \u2014 elbisesi, tokas\u0131, g\u00f6zya\u015flar\u0131m aras\u0131nda ona ula\u015fma umudu.
\nBir ders kitab\u0131ndan minik, katlanm\u0131\u015f bir k\u00e2\u011f\u0131t d\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc. Tan\u0131d\u0131k pipari\u015fli e\u011fik el yaz\u0131s\u0131yla yaz\u0131lm\u0131\u015ft\u0131:
\n\u201cAnne, e\u011fer bunu okuyorsan, hemen yata\u011f\u0131n alt\u0131na bak. Her \u015feyi anlayacaks\u0131n\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

Ellerim titreyerek \u00f6nce sat\u0131rlar\u0131, sonra g\u00f6\u011fs\u00fcm\u00fc tekrar tekrar okudum. Ne anlam\u0131 vard\u0131 bu s\u00f6zlerin?
\nCesaretimi toplad\u0131m, dizlerimin \u00fczerine \u00e7\u00f6kt\u00fcm ve \u2026 yata\u011f\u0131n alt\u0131na bakt\u0131\u011f\u0131mda nefesim kesildi. Orada, eski ve tozlu bir \u00e7anta vard\u0131. \u0130\u00e7inden birka\u00e7 defter, k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck bir memento kutusu ve onu \u00f6ld\u00fcren kazara \u201ckayboldu\u011fu\u201d s\u00f6ylenen o telefon \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131. Kocam onun \u201ckay\u0131p\u201d oldu\u011funu s\u00f6ylemi\u015fti\u2014ama i\u015fte, oradayd\u0131.
\nTelefonu a\u00e7t\u0131m: h\u00e2l\u00e2 \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yordu. \u0130lk olarak mesajlara girdim. Arkada\u015f\u0131yla olan sohbet, ruhuma kaz\u0131nan ac\u0131 bir itiraf gibiydi:<\/p>\n

15 \u015eubat, 22:17<\/p>\n

K\u0131z\u0131m: Art\u0131k tahamm\u00fcl edemiyorum\u2026<\/p>\n

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22:18<\/p>\n

Arkada\u015f\u0131: Ne oldu?<\/p>\n

22:19<\/p>\n

K\u0131z\u0131m: Babam yine ba\u011f\u0131rd\u0131. Dedim ki anneme anlat\u0131rsam\u2026 \u0130kimiz i\u00e7in de lanet olur dedi\u2026<\/p>\n

22:21<\/p>\n

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Arkada\u015f\u0131: Aman tanr\u0131m, korkuyorum\u2026 D\u00f6vd\u00fc m\u00fc?<\/p>\n

22:22
\nK\u0131z\u0131m: Evet, ilk de\u011fil. Kolumdaki morlu\u011fu okulda oldu diye s\u00f6yledim\u2014ama korkuyorum\u2026<\/p>\n

22:24
\nArkada\u015f\u0131: Anneye s\u00f6ylemelisin ya da polise\u2026 Bu \u00e7ok ciddi!<\/p>\n

22:26
\nK\u0131z\u0131m: Anlat\u0131rsam \u00f6ld\u00fcrece\u011fini s\u00f6yledi. \u00d6fkelendi\u011finde\u2014o \u00e7ok korkun\u00e7 biri\u2026<\/p>\n

22:28
\nArkada\u015f\u0131: Ama bunlar\u0131 i\u00e7inden atamazs\u0131n\u2026<\/p>\n

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22:29
\nK\u0131z\u0131m: Sana yaz\u0131yorum \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc ba\u015fka kimseye s\u00f6yleyemiyorum. Bana bir \u015fey olursa, bil ki bu onun y\u00fcz\u00fcnden oldu.<\/p>\n

Bu mesajlar\u0131 okurken elimde ate\u015f hissediyordum. Y\u00fcz y\u00fcze okurken donup kald\u0131m; g\u00f6zlerindeki korku, sessiz \u00e7\u0131\u011fl\u0131\u011f\u0131 zihnimin i\u00e7inde yank\u0131land\u0131. O an her \u015feyi anlad\u0131m: K\u0131z\u0131m kendi iste\u011fiyle gitmedi. En yak\u0131n\u0131m\u0131zda olmas\u0131 gereken biri, ya\u015fam\u0131ndan kopard\u0131 onu.<\/p>\n

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Onun cenazesiyle birlikte d\u00fcnya aniden durdu. Mezar ba\u015f\u0131nda g\u00fc\u00e7 bela ayakta duruyordum; etraf\u0131mdakilerin s\u00f6zc\u00fckleri kulaklar\u0131mda u\u011fulduyor gibiydi, ama ben yaln\u0131zca beyaz tabutu g\u00f6r\u00fcyordum. Daha sonra […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":522,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-520","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bilgitarif.com\/iyi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/520","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bilgitarif.com\/iyi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bilgitarif.com\/iyi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bilgitarif.com\/iyi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bilgitarif.com\/iyi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=520"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.bilgitarif.com\/iyi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/520\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":524,"href":"https:\/\/www.bilgitarif.com\/iyi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/520\/revisions\/524"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bilgitarif.com\/iyi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/522"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bilgitarif.com\/iyi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=520"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bilgitarif.com\/iyi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=520"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bilgitarif.com\/iyi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=520"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}