{"id":5658,"date":"2026-06-11T23:23:34","date_gmt":"2026-06-11T23:23:34","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.bilgitarif.com\/iyi\/?p=5658"},"modified":"2026-06-11T23:23:42","modified_gmt":"2026-06-11T23:23:42","slug":"onu-tanidigimda-dunyam-degismisti","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.bilgitarif.com\/iyi\/onu-tanidigimda-dunyam-degismisti\/","title":{"rendered":"Onu tan\u0131d\u0131\u011f\u0131mda d\u00fcnyam de\u011fi\u015fmi\u015fti"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Hayat\u0131m\u0131 tamamen de\u011fi\u015ftiren, bana ilk kez b\u00f6ylesine derin, b\u00f6ylesine sars\u0131c\u0131 bir a\u015fk\u0131 ya\u015fatan o adamla, tutku ama bir o kadar da tehlikeli bir k\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131k dolu bir ili\u015fkimiz vard\u0131. Ba\u015flang\u0131\u00e7ta t\u00fcm o k\u0131s\u0131tlamalar\u0131 beni ne kadar \u00e7ok sevdi\u011finin, beni nas\u0131l sahiplendi\u011finin bir kan\u0131t\u0131 san\u0131yordum. B\u00fct\u00fcn k\u00f6t\u00fc huylar\u0131n\u0131 benim i\u00e7in b\u0131rakm\u0131\u015f gibi davran\u0131r, bana d\u00fcnyan\u0131n en \u00f6zel kad\u0131n\u0131ym\u0131\u015f\u0131m gibi hissettirirdi. Ancak beni kendi ailemden, arkada\u015flar\u0131mdan, hatta sokakta selamla\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131m insanlardan bile hastal\u0131kl\u0131 bir \u015fekilde k\u0131skan\u0131rd\u0131.<\/p>\n

S\u00fcrekli yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131 k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck s\u00fcrprizler ve g\u00f6sterdi\u011fi o bo\u011fucu ilgiyle asl\u0131nda g\u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc k\u00f6r etmi\u015f, etraf\u0131ma a\u015f\u0131lmaz bir duvar \u00f6rm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc. Ta ki \u0130zmir\u2019e yapaca\u011f\u0131 o \u015f\u00fcpheli i\u015f seyahatine kadar\u2026 \u0130lk defa beni yan\u0131nda istememi\u015fti. \u0130\u00e7ime d\u00fc\u015fen o zehirli \u015f\u00fcpheyle, geceler boyu gizlice ara\u015ft\u0131rma yapm\u0131\u015f, \u0130zmir\u2019de deniz kenar\u0131nda kiralad\u0131\u011f\u0131 villay\u0131 bulmu\u015ftum. \u0130lk u\u00e7akla pe\u015finden gidip, kap\u0131n\u0131n ziline bast\u0131\u011f\u0131mda kalbim yerinden \u00e7\u0131kacak gibi \u00e7arp\u0131yordu. Kap\u0131 yava\u015f\u00e7a araland\u0131 ve ben hayat\u0131m\u0131n en b\u00fcy\u00fck \u015fokunu ya\u015fad\u0131m
\n<\/p>\n

Kap\u0131y\u0131 a\u00e7an o de\u011fildi.<\/p>\n

Kar\u015f\u0131mda, tahminen benim ya\u015flar\u0131mda, \u00fczerinde zarif ama rahat bir yazl\u0131k elbise olan, y\u00fcz\u00fcnde son derece s\u0131cak, \u015fefkatli bir g\u00fcl\u00fcmsemeyle bakan esmer bir kad\u0131n duruyordu. Kad\u0131n\u0131n sa\u00e7lar\u0131 hafif\u00e7e toplanm\u0131\u015f, boynunda ise \u00e7ok tan\u0131d\u0131k gelen, ince alt\u0131n bir kolye parl\u0131yordu. O kolyenin ayn\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 ge\u00e7en Sevgililer G\u00fcn\u00fc\u2019nde bana da alm\u0131\u015ft\u0131\u2026 Kad\u0131n\u0131n hemen arkas\u0131nda, geni\u015f ve ayd\u0131nl\u0131k salondaki devasa oyuncak \u00e7ad\u0131r\u0131ndan f\u0131rlayan \u00fc\u00e7-d\u00f6rt ya\u015flar\u0131nda k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck bir erkek \u00e7ocu\u011fu, \u201cAnne, babam m\u0131 geldi? Bisikletimi tamir edecek mi?\u201d diye ba\u011f\u0131rarak ne\u015feyle kap\u0131ya do\u011fru ko\u015ftu.<\/p>\n

O an dizlerimin ba\u011f\u0131 \u00e7\u00f6z\u00fcld\u00fc. Sanki g\u00f6r\u00fcnmez bir el bo\u011faz\u0131ma yap\u0131\u015fm\u0131\u015f, nefesimi kesmi\u015fti. Elim aya\u011f\u0131m buz kesti, mideme koca bir ta\u015f oturdu. \u201cPardon,\u201d diyebildim sadece titreyen, c\u0131l\u0131z bir sesle. \u201cBen\u2026 Yanl\u0131\u015f geldim san\u0131r\u0131m\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

Kad\u0131n son derece samimi bir \u015fekilde g\u00fcl\u00fcmsedi. \u201cKimi aram\u0131\u015ft\u0131n\u0131z? Belki yard\u0131mc\u0131 olabilirim,\u201d diye sordu nazik\u00e7e.<\/p>\n

Tam o an, i\u00e7eriden, mutfak taraf\u0131ndan o tan\u0131d\u0131k ayak sesleri duyuldu. U\u011fruna her \u015feyimi feda etti\u011fim, bensiz nefes alamad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 iddia eden o ses yank\u0131land\u0131: \u201cHayat\u0131m, kimmi\u015f kap\u0131daki? Kargo mu geldi?\u201d<\/p>\n

Zaman benim i\u00e7in o saniye durdu. Hol\u00fcn sonundan, \u00fczerinde rahat bir \u015fort ve ti\u015f\u00f6rtle o belirdi. Elinde \u00e7ocu\u011funun k\u0131r\u0131k oyuncak arabas\u0131 vard\u0131. G\u00f6z g\u00f6ze geldik. Y\u00fcz\u00fcndeki o kendinden emin, bana her zaman g\u00fcven veren o m\u00fckemmel g\u00fcl\u00fcmseme saniyesinde silindi. Rengi adeta kire\u00e7 gibi oldu, g\u00f6zleri yuvalar\u0131ndan f\u0131rlayacakm\u0131\u015f gibi a\u00e7\u0131ld\u0131, elindeki oyuncak araba b\u00fcy\u00fck bir g\u00fcr\u00fclt\u00fcyle parke zemine d\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc. O anki sessizlik, hayat\u0131mda duydu\u011fum en sa\u011f\u0131r edici, en korkun\u00e7 g\u00fcr\u00fclt\u00fcyd\u00fc.<\/p>\n

Ger\u00e7e\u011fin So\u011fuk Y\u00fcz\u00fc
\nKad\u0131n, kocas\u0131n\u0131n y\u00fcz\u00fcndeki deh\u015feti ve yere d\u00fc\u015fen oyunca\u011f\u0131n sesini fark edince \u015fa\u015fk\u0131nl\u0131kla bana d\u00f6nd\u00fc. \u201cSiz kimi aram\u0131\u015ft\u0131n\u0131z?\u201d sorusunu bu kez daha \u015f\u00fcpheci, daha tedirgin bir ses tonuyla yineledi.<\/p>\n

Bo\u011faz\u0131ma koca bir yumru oturmu\u015ftu. \u201cBen\u2026\u201d dedim, kelimeler a\u011fz\u0131mdan cam k\u0131r\u0131klar\u0131 gibi \u00e7\u0131k\u0131yor, dudaklar\u0131m\u0131 kanat\u0131yordu sanki. \u201cBen onun\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

G\u00f6zlerim tekrar ona kayd\u0131. Bana \u2018ne olur sus, ne olur yapma\u2019 der gibi yalvaran, zavall\u0131 ve ac\u0131nas\u0131 g\u00f6zlerle bak\u0131yordu. O an zihnimde \u015fim\u015fekler \u00e7akt\u0131. B\u00fct\u00fcn o anlams\u0131z kavgalar\u0131m\u0131z, yersiz k\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131k krizleri zihnimde bir yapbozun par\u00e7alar\u0131 gibi kusursuzca birle\u015fti.<\/p>\n

Beni ailemden, arkada\u015flar\u0131mdan koparmas\u0131n\u0131n, o hastal\u0131kl\u0131 k\u0131s\u0131tlamalar\u0131n\u0131n nedeni asla duydu\u011fu b\u00fcy\u00fck a\u015fk falan de\u011fildi; tek bir \u015feydi: Korku! Ba\u015fka biriyle konu\u015fursam, sosyalle\u015firsem onun bu i\u011fren\u00e7 ikili hayat\u0131n\u0131, asl\u0131nda evli ve \u00e7ocuklu bir adam oldu\u011funu \u00f6\u011frenece\u011fimden deli gibi korkmu\u015ftu. Bana her g\u00fcn g\u00f6steri\u015fli \u00e7i\u00e7ekler almas\u0131, eski e\u015fiyle mecburiyetten konu\u015ftu\u011funu s\u00f6yleyip yan\u0131mda durarak bana g\u00fcven vermeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmas\u0131\u2026 Hepsi profesyonelce kurgulanm\u0131\u015f bir tiyatro oyununun sahneleriydi. O, \u201ceski e\u015fim\u201d diyerek beni kand\u0131rd\u0131\u011f\u0131 o kad\u0131nla asl\u0131nda hi\u00e7 bo\u015fanmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131.<\/p>\n

Ben ise sadece onun egosunu tatmin eden, izole edilmi\u015f gizli bir oyuncakt\u0131m.<\/p>\n

\u0130\u00e7imdeki o devasa y\u0131k\u0131ma ra\u011fmen omurgam\u0131 dikle\u015ftirdim. G\u00f6zya\u015flar\u0131m\u0131n akmas\u0131na asla izin vermeyecek, ona bu zaferi tatt\u0131rmayacakt\u0131m. \u201cBen\u2026\u201d diyerek yutkundum. \u201cBen ofisten yeni asistan\u0131y\u0131m. \u00d6nemli ihale dosyalar\u0131n\u0131 masas\u0131nda unutmu\u015f da, durum \u00e7ok acil oldu\u011fu i\u00e7in u\u00e7a\u011fa atlay\u0131p bizzat getirmek zorunda kald\u0131m.\u201d<\/p>\n

Kad\u0131n\u0131n y\u00fcz\u00fcndeki gerginlik an\u0131nda silindi. \u201cAh, inanm\u0131yorum, ne kadar d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncelisiniz! L\u00fctfen i\u00e7eri buyrun. E\u015fim de hep i\u015flerinin ne kadar yo\u011fun oldu\u011fundan bahsederdi. Sizi hafta sonu buralara kadar yordu demek\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

Uyan\u0131\u015f ve \u00d6zg\u00fcrl\u00fck
\n\u201cHay\u0131r,\u201d dedim buz gibi bir sesle. Do\u011frudan onun o titreyen, korkak g\u00f6zlerinin ta i\u00e7ine bak\u0131yordum. \u201cHi\u00e7 yorulmad\u0131m. Zaten bu benim onun i\u00e7in yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131m son g\u00f6revimdi. Ben bug\u00fcn itibar\u0131yla istifa ediyorum. Dosyalar\u0131 kap\u0131n\u0131n \u00f6n\u00fcne b\u0131rak\u0131yorum. O bundan sonra ne yapmas\u0131 gerekti\u011fini \u00e7ok iyi bilir.\u201d<\/p>\n

Arkam\u0131 d\u00f6nd\u00fcm ve o villan\u0131n bah\u00e7esinden nas\u0131l \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131, kiralad\u0131\u011f\u0131m o arabaya nas\u0131l bindi\u011fimi hi\u00e7 hat\u0131rlam\u0131yorum. Adeta bedenimden ayr\u0131lm\u0131\u015f gibiydim. Araban\u0131n kap\u0131lar\u0131n\u0131 kilitledi\u011fim an, ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131 direksiyona g\u00f6m\u00fcp h\u0131\u00e7k\u0131ra h\u0131\u00e7k\u0131ra a\u011flamaya ba\u015flad\u0131m. Hem ac\u0131mas\u0131zca kand\u0131r\u0131lm\u0131\u015fl\u0131\u011f\u0131ma hem de ona k\u00f6r\u00fc k\u00f6r\u00fcne inan\u0131p kendi hayat\u0131m\u0131, kendi ellerimle nas\u0131l yok etti\u011fime a\u011fl\u0131yordum. Tutku sand\u0131\u011f\u0131m \u015feyin, bir narsistin beni kendi yalan d\u00fcnyas\u0131nda tutmak i\u00e7in \u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fc bir hapishane oldu\u011funu \u00e7ok a\u011f\u0131r bir bedel \u00f6deyerek \u00f6\u011frenmi\u015ftim.<\/p>\n

Telefonum defalarca \u00e7ald\u0131. Ekranda onun ismi yan\u0131yordu. Hi\u00e7 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmeden telefonu kapatt\u0131m, hatt\u0131m\u0131 \u00e7\u0131kar\u0131p k\u0131rd\u0131m ve cam\u0131 sonuna kadar a\u00e7t\u0131m. \u0130zmir\u2019in o \u0131l\u0131k r\u00fczgar\u0131 y\u00fcz\u00fcme \u00e7arparken, i\u00e7imdeki o kavurucu yang\u0131n\u0131n yava\u015f yava\u015f k\u00fcle d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fc hissediyordum. Hayat\u0131m\u0131n en b\u00fcy\u00fck \u015fokuydu, evet. Ama ayn\u0131 zamanda hayat\u0131m\u0131n en ac\u0131mas\u0131z, en gerekli uyan\u0131\u015f\u0131yd\u0131.<\/p>\n

O g\u00fcnden sonra hayat\u0131mda b\u00fcy\u00fck bir temizlik yapt\u0131m. Evimi ta\u015f\u0131d\u0131m, \u015fehrimi de\u011fi\u015ftirdim. Bana unutturmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131 arkada\u015flar\u0131m\u0131, onun y\u00fcz\u00fcnden s\u0131rt \u00e7evirdi\u011fim can\u0131m ailemi aray\u0131p \u00f6z\u00fcr diledim. Art\u0131k kalbimin en derinlerinde biliyordum ki; ger\u00e7ek a\u015fk seni g\u00f6r\u00fcnmez bir kafese kapatan o zehirli duygu de\u011fildi. Ger\u00e7ek a\u015fk \u00f6zg\u00fcrl\u00fckt\u00fc; kanatland\u0131rmakt\u0131, \u015farts\u0131z g\u00fcvendi.<\/p>\n

Ben o g\u00fcn o villan\u0131n kap\u0131s\u0131nda sadece devasa bir yalan\u0131 b\u0131rakmam\u0131\u015f; gasp edilen kendi hayat\u0131m\u0131, \u00f6zg\u00fcrl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm\u00fc ve onurumu da geri alm\u0131\u015ft\u0131m. \u015eimdi, o karanl\u0131k g\u00fcnlerden geriye sadece ruhuma kaz\u0131nm\u0131\u015f b\u00fcy\u00fck bir ders kald\u0131. Ve ben, kendi ger\u00e7e\u011fimle eskisinden \u00e7ok daha g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fc, \u00e7ok daha ayd\u0131nl\u0131k bir yolda, sadece kendim i\u00e7in y\u00fcr\u00fcyorum.<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Hayat\u0131m\u0131 tamamen de\u011fi\u015ftiren, bana ilk kez b\u00f6ylesine derin, b\u00f6ylesine sars\u0131c\u0131 bir a\u015fk\u0131 ya\u015fatan o adamla, tutku ama bir o kadar da tehlikeli bir k\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131k dolu […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5658","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bilgitarif.com\/iyi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5658","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bilgitarif.com\/iyi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bilgitarif.com\/iyi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bilgitarif.com\/iyi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bilgitarif.com\/iyi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5658"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.bilgitarif.com\/iyi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5658\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5661,"href":"https:\/\/www.bilgitarif.com\/iyi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5658\/revisions\/5661"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bilgitarif.com\/iyi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5658"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bilgitarif.com\/iyi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5658"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bilgitarif.com\/iyi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5658"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}